keep the conversation going

How To Keep The Conversation Going

Have you ever sparked a conversation with a girl only to have it fizzle out? Want to know how to keep the conversation going?

You get it going, but then you’re not sure what to say next. Then there’s that dreaded awkward pause that lingers in the air making every second feel like an eternity.

So what do you do? Maybe you asked a question. And then another question. And then another. As you keep going, you know you should stop, yet you don’t know what else to say… So you just keep asking question after question.

how to keep the conversation going

That’s when the girl says, “I have to meet up with my friends” or any number of excuses to escape.

Last week I found myself in a similar situation. The first few approaches are always the hardest to get out of the way. Going from working all week to being a sociable fun guy takes me a few approaches.

My best advice is to treat the first 3 approaches when going out as throwaways. They don’t count. Your goal is to get them done as soon as possible.

Secondly, you want to build momentum in-between approaches by asking yourself, what do I want to focus on in my next approach?”

When I found myself awkwardly standing there with nothing to say, my focus for the next approach was to “keep the conversation going.”

For this week’s tip, I thought it would be useful to share some ideas that will take you beyond how to approach a girl. And that’s how to keep the conversation going and never run out of things to say.

The Two Tips are:

(1) Multiple Threads

(2) Conversational Hooks

“Multiple threads” is when you have multiple conversational topics (threads) going on at once. This is better than moving linearly from one topic to the next. This is one of the best ways to never run out of things to say.

We naturally do this with our friends. We don’t just stay on one topic all the way to exhaustion. The conversation usually switches between different subjects.

For example, say you meet a girl who has a dog and say, “I love dogs, what type is it?” A linear conversation would be sticking to the subject of “her dog.” Which, would look like this: “I love dogs, what type is it?…..Where did you get it from?…..How long have you had it?…..What’s his name?”

You can see how sticking to the same topic quickly gets boring.

“Multiple threads” is the idea of introducing new subjects to the conversation. Building off our example, it would look like this: “I love dogs, what type is it?….My family actually has two dogs. One for my sister and one for my dad. You look like the type of girl who’s the youngest sibling….You know what I just noticed, you look like the adventurous type. Are you?

In the second example, I introduced new topics such as family and if she’s adventurous.

When you introduce topics, you can either build off something she said or just change subjects.

“Conversational hooks” are what help you introduce new conversational topics. It supplements our first tip to help you never run out of things to say.

Hooks are something a girl says that you can comment, ask about, relate to or share a story on. Listen for “keywords” to come up with new hooks.

These “keywords” aren’t necessarily the most important words she said. They are words you can use to introduce new conversation topics.

Essentially, you are using conversational hooks (keywords) to start multiple threads (topics/subjects).

These ideas will help you transition into deeper conversations, never run out of things to say and make the conversation more interesting for both of you.

how to talk to women, keep the conversation going

Here’s an example that explains both ideas:

Imagine you’re telling me about your recent trip through Europe. You say, “My favorite country was Italy because of the amazing food, the romantic ambiance and the beautiful cafes on every street corner.

While I’m actively listening, I’m paying attention to any “keywords” that I can build off of and introduce new topics (threads).

In this example, I can ask a question on “What were some of your favorite dishes?” I can comment on how it was the Italian coffee bars that inspired the CEO of Starbucks to make it what it is today. I can relate by sharing my experiences traveling through Italy. I can also share a story of my recent trip through Europe.

Most guys get ahead of themselves. They make the mistake of thinking about what they are going to say next opposed to listening to what the other person said.

If you really are listening, the other person usually gives you everything you need to keep the conversation going.

In the example above, there are many “keywords” I could’ve used to start a new “subject.

That one sentence alone, the “keywords” are Europe, traveling, favorite countries, Italy, food, romance, and cafes. You could use anyone to keep the conversation going.

Now, back to the idea of using multiple “threads.” (See what I did there? I’m revisiting a previous conversation topic)

One thread is how Italy was your favorite country while traveling through Europe.

If I use “traveling” as a “keyword,” I could share a story of my recent travels through Europe. Doing so, I introduce another topic. That way I will never run out of things to say!

I could share how I recently did a cruise through France, Italy, and Spain and by far my favorite city was Barcelona.

What are some “keywords” you could use to keep the conversation going?

Some ideas to talk about are traveling, Europe, France, Italy, Spain, favorite cities, Barcelona, beaches, and cities. All these ideas can be used to start another topic.

So far we have two conversational topics: your trip through Europe and my trip through Europe.

Once we continue to talk about Barcelona and I start running out of things to say, I can easily jump back to our first “topic” about your travel through Europe and say “What other countries did you visit on your trip?

When you’re paying attention to keywords, whenever the convo starts to die you can easily start a new topic.

If you remember from our first example of you traveling through Europe, the potential keywords are Europe, traveling, favorite countries, Italy, food, romance, and cafes.

Whenever the convo starts to slow down, I can make a comment, ask a question, relate to or share a story based off any one of those hooks. I can keep the conversation going, and will never run out of things to say.

Here’s another example before you go:

Imagine I tell you, “Last weekend I met up with a good friend from high school that flew into NYC from San Diego. I had a great time showing her around the city.”

What are some “keywords” that can give you ideas on how to keep the conversation going?

You can ask, comment, relate to or share a story about: Old friends, high school friends, flying, traveling, NYC, San Diego, California, East Coast, West Coast, what did we do, and exploring a new city. You have so many things to talk about; you can never run out of things to say.

You could ask, “What did you two do in the city?” You could comment on how great it is that I still stay in touch with an old high school friend. You could relate to how an old friend showed you around a new city and how much more fun that experience was. You could share a story about the last time you were in California and how much you loved it.

If you are actively listening, you’ll find it’s easier than you think to keep the conversation going. And you’ll never run out things to say anymore!

Remember, DON’T think of what to say next… just listen and pay attention to any “keywords” you could use to add a new “topic.

Your Weekend Mission (If you choose to accept)

  1. Beginners: Make 3 approaches with the focus of keeping the conversation going through the use of multiple threads and listening for hooks. Aim to make the next approach longer than the one before.  
  2. Advanced: Same as beginners but 5 approaches. They only count if you can make the conversation longer than 5 minutes.

Alright, guys, there’s the tip of the week!

Be sure to go out there and start implementing it RIGHT AWAY. Success loves the speed of implementation.


If you like tips like these, then I would highly recommend you check out The Language of Attraction or attend a BOOTCAMP.

Don’t know what The Language of Attraction is?

This is all about the conversation. You’ll know how to attract beautiful women anyplace, anytime, and in any situation.

This is the only program that uses your own unique personality to attract women.

Other “gurus” will try to mold you to be exactly like them…. They’ll have you dress like them and act like them even if that’s not who you really are.

We’ll show you what naturally attracts women.  Click Here For More Details

Interested in a BOOTCAMP?

We’re going to be in Las Vegas, Cancun, New York City, Los Angeles, Miami, Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Thailand, Dubai, India, Australia and that’s us just getting started.

If you’re serious about getting results with women FAST, then this is your ticket.

Here are a few things we’ll cover:

  • Discover a POWERFUL way to approach, attract, number close, and get dates during the day!
  • Destroy your approach anxiety and spark instant attraction with your body language as you get women to CHASE YOU!
  • Get Tons of infield practice, real-life drills, role-playing, and instant feedback on your interactions to make approaching women completely second nature!

Click Here To Find Out More

how to get a girls number

How To Get A Girls Number: Know Her Logistics

It’s not all about how to get a girls number. You’d have to know her logistics, too. How else can you go for “Day 2” and close the deal? You might never get to see her again.

Here’s the story:

Who wants to come with me to switch IDs?” Fortunately, it was the hottest one in the group that said, “I will!”

The bar I was at last weekend in NYC had foosball where you had to exchange your ID for the ball. As we walk over to the bar for me to get my ID back and for her to swap hers, I whisper in her ear, “I’m glad you’re the one that came. You’re the one I wanted.” As her eyes lit up, I put my arms around her waist and guided her through the crowd (as a masculine man always leads).

While we waited at the bar, I took the opportunity to spike some attraction and getting her comfortable with my touch.

Fast forward 30 minutes later, after playing some foosball and grabbing a drink with her friends, I asked her if she had a chance to explore the restaurant upstairs. Why? Because I wanted to get her alone where I can escalate to the kiss and get to know her without the interruptions or distractions of her friends.

As we’re talking and getting to know each other, I feel it’s time to go in for a kiss. So I do. For the rest of the night, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Things are going perfectly! We’re spending all night together, going back and forth and the chemistry is electric.

how to get a girls number

“I definitely have to see her again.” I thought.

After spending all night with a beautiful girl, I realized I made one of the biggest mistakes in the game… I didn’t get her logistics. Waking up the next day, I thought for sure I’m going to make things happen with this girl. After some texting back and forth to set up a date, I found out she lives two hours away…

Instead of spending the night meeting girls who live near me, I spent the night with a girl I’m never going to see again.

Getting a girl to drive 5 minutes to meet up for coffee is easy. Trying to convince a girl to drive 2 hours for that same coffee is difficult; no matter how much she loves pumpkin spiced lattes from Starbucks.

In case you don’t know, one of the most important aspects of the game isn’t just how to get a girls number but getting a girl’s logistics.

What are logistics?

Getting her logistics is when you ask the girl questions to figure out what her situation is. The purpose of this is to figure out the likelihood of steering the interaction where you want it to go.

For example, does she live 10 minutes away or 2 hours? That little bit of information would’ve told me, “Alright, I can set up a date for tomorrow, or I need to push to make things happen tonight.”

Whenever and wherever you meet a girl, you need to figure out the girl’s logistics.  

For this email, I’ll focus on day game logistics. For those interested to learn more and how to apply it to the night game, here’s a previous blog I wrote: Night Game Logistics.

As I said before, logistics is figuring out what you need to know to set up an instant date, bring her home, set up a date later this week or any other result you want.

Say you see a beautiful girl on the streets and walk over to say hello. One of the most important bits of information you need to know is “How much time will you have with her?

Let me ask if this ever happened to you. You approach a girl, things are going well, and then suddenly she says she has to go because she’s late to meet friends. Then you’re left fumbling at the last minute, trying to figure out how to get a girls number.

What mistake did you make in this situation? You never figured out how much time you have to work with.

I want to help you avoid this problem. Next time you go out approaching, I want you to answer the question, “How much time do I have?”

Here are some questions you can ask the girl to answer that question:

how to get a girls number

Ask the right questions.

  • What are you up to right now?
  • Where are you headed?
  • Are you free for a bit?
  • What are your plans today?
  • What are you doing after this?
  • When are you free next?

Based on her answer, you know how to pace the interaction. If she says, she’s actually late for work you know to go for the number and set up a date. If she tells you she’s going shopping today, you may be able to spend a bit more time getting to know her.

These questions are to get you started, but I want you to be able to come up with these on your own. In the first couple minutes of the approach, I want you to think, “what relevant information do I need to know?”

For example, I live near NYC and meet a bunch of girls on the train. If you approached a girl on a train, what is a good logistical question to ask? The answer to the question should tell me, “how much time am I working with?”

If you said, “What’s your stop?” then congratulations! That’s the best relevant logistical question to ask in this scenario. Now you know if she gets off at the next stop, you need to speed things up. If she gets off to a much later stop then you know you have some time to cement the interaction.

Another example. Say you’re on vacation and meet a beautiful girl. What’s a good question to ask? The first one I like to ask is, “How long are you here for?” If she’s leaving soon then no matter how good my game is, it’s most likely she isn’t going to ditch her flight to go on a date with me.

Alright, I hope these two examples give you ideas for coming up with your own relevant logistical questions.

Now, say you approached a girl out on the streets, and things are going well. The mistake most guys make is to settle for the number.

Sorry to burst your bubble but a number is sometimes a stairway to heaven with nothing on the other end.

If you have the time, the goal of your day gaming approaches should always be an instant date.

You go from a random guy she met on the corner to a guy she’s getting to know over a coffee, a drink or bite to eat. This extra time to build comfort establishes you as someone she’ll want to see again.

If she has enough free time, which you determined from her logistics, ALWAYS go for the instant date.

To increase your odds of success, be aware of some nearby venues like coffee shops, cafes, bars, etc.

The good thing about Starbucks is it’s everywhere! Plus, most girls love Starbucks, so this is a great default to have in your back pocket if you can’t think of anything.

Your odds of a second date are always higher when going on an instant date compared to being a guy meets on the street for 2 minutes.

Once you figure out she has good logistics, say, “We should go to a [coffee shop, bar, etc.] nearby.”

If she gives you objections like, “No I can’t,” here are some things you can say:

  • “I want to get to know you more.”
  • “We will only go for 1 cup of coffee (or one drink).”
  • “It’s nearby.”

The first line justifies why you want to bring her to get coffee. The last two lines lower the level of commitment. For example, it’s easier asking to borrow $1 than $100 because it’s a smaller commitment.

If she still says she can’t, that’s ok, because this makes going for the phone number easier.

Because she can’t get coffee with you now, saying, “Alright, let’s get that coffee next time, what’s your number?” is a smooth transition.

When you go for the number, be sure to ask her, “When are you free this week?” You want to set up the date then and there. It’s a lot easier to set up the date in person, than over the phone. Trying to set up the date over text is an uphill battle that you want to avoid when possible.

Your Weekend Mission (If you choose to accept)

Beginners: Make 3 approaches and be sure to use at least one logistical question in every approach. The interaction only counts if you remembered to ask a logistical question.

Advanced: Make 5 approaches and be sure to use at least one logistical question in every approach. In addition, try to bring 3 girls on an instant date. It doesn’t matter if she can or not. What matters is that you went for it.

Alright, guys, there’s the tip of the week!

Be sure to go out there and start implementing it RIGHT AWAY. Success loves the speed of implementation.


If you like tips like these, then I would highly recommend you check out The Language of Attraction or attend a BOOTCAMP.

Don’t know what The Language of Attraction is?

This is all about the conversation. You’ll know how to attract beautiful women anyplace, anytime, and in any situation.

This is the only program that uses your own unique personality to attract women.

Other “gurus” will try to mold you to be exactly like them…. They’ll have you dress like them and act like them even if that’s not who you really are.

We’ll show you what naturally attracts women.  Click Here For More Details

Interested in a BOOTCAMP?

We’re going to be in Las Vegas, Cancun, New York City, Los Angeles, Miami, Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Thailand, Dubai, India, Australia and that’s us just getting started.

If you’re serious about getting results with women FAST, then this is your ticket.

Here are a few things we’ll cover:

  • Discover a POWERFUL way to approach, attract, number close, and get dates during the day!
  • Destroy your approach anxiety and spark instant attraction with your body language as you get women to CHASE YOU!
  • Get Tons of infield practice, real-life drills, role-playing, and instant feedback on your interactions to make approaching women completely second nature!

Click Here To Find Out More

best way to approach a girl

How To Approach A Girl & Make An Amazing First Impression

I’m currently re-reading “The Way Of The Superior Man” and it’s a MUST read for ALL you guys. It has everything you need to know about the best way to approach a girl… And to start things off:

The BEST FIRST IMPRESSION is made by a man who is Masculine.

One of the biggest takeaways from the book is the idea of male and female polarity. In the book, David Deida says, for there to be sexual attraction, you need the polarity between the feminine and masculine energy.

It’s like magnets. What happens if you try to push two positive sides together? They repel. What happens when you bring opposite sides together? They naturally attract. Let me repeat that in case you missed it.

Opposites (Masculine and Feminine) NATURALLY ATTRACT.

I hope you get how profound that line is because it’s the foundation of all attraction. If you portray masculine qualities, the girl will naturally be attracted.

If a woman is naturally attracted to a masculine presence, then the best way to approach a girl and make a solid first impression is by expressing your masculinity. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be an aggressive alpha male. This just means, when you approach, the woman should feel your masculine presence. This could be the way you look deeply into her eyes, the tonality in your voice, or your positive body language.

Not too long ago, I was helping out one of the students in the Philly boot camp and every time he made an approach; I noticed there was no oomph behind it. He was half-assing the approach. He was approaching with the intention of not losing rather than WINNING. And this wasn’t working.

One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make on boot camps is approaching half ass.

best way to approach a girl

They’re afraid of rejection, and so they don’t fully commit to the approach. Ironically, this makes it even more likely that they’ll get rejected.

And what do you think the girl thinks? She’s thinking, “Here’s a guy that assumes I’m going to reject him so I probably should. If he doesn’t think I’ll be interested then why should I?

This is where most guys mess up the approach. They lose before the game even started.

After I had this discussion with the student from Philly, this idea became the focus of his next approach. And guess what? He got WAY better results.

Girls were not only stopping but intrigued to hear what he was saying. After all, what type of guy would have the balls to come over and give her a direct and genuine compliment? Right off the bat, she knows this guy is different than most guys.

And the reason why is because he demonstrated one of the most masculine qualities a man can exude. He showed her he’s the type of guy to go after what he wants when a girl sees that from you, she can’t help but be attracted.

best way to approach a girl

Next time you approach a beautiful girl, you must fully commit to the approach. The best way to approach a girl is to be the type of man that goes for what he wants. Don’t worry about what could go wrong, that’s called pre-analysis when you try to determine the outcome before you take action.

It’s much better to just dive into the interaction, expect things will go well, and then adjust accordingly.

One thing that helps limit these mental gymnastics: “The 3 Second Rule.”

This rule means you approach the girl you want within 3 seconds of seeing her. The reason is that the sooner you take action, the less time you have to overthink it. If you take action right away, the fear of “what if” doesn’t have time to take root.

Your Weekend Mission (If you choose to accept)

Beginners: The best way to approach a girl beginners mission. Use the 3-second rule to approach 3 beautiful girls that you see. These will only count if you approach right away (within 3 seconds of seeing her). Approaching right away actually makes it easier. If you’re not sure what to say, use one of the openers from last week’s email.

  • Warm up opener: “Where is Starbucks?
  • Once warm, go direct: “Hey, real quick, this is completely random, but I had to come over and say you look really cute. My name is…”

Advanced: The best way to approach a girl advanced mission. Use the 3-second rule to approach 10 beautiful girls that you see. These will only count if you approach right away (within 3 seconds of seeing her). On top of that, emphasize the fact that you’re approaching because you WANT her. That feeling of desire will be demonstrated through your body language, eye contact, and tonality. carry through on your approach. Approach with the idea, “I want to say hello to this beautiful girl” not, “Hopefully she doesn’t reject me.”


If you like tips like these, then I would highly recommend you check out The Language of Attraction or attend a BOOTCAMP.

Don’t know what The Language of Attraction is?

This is all about the conversation. You’ll know how to attract beautiful women anyplace, anytime, and in any situation.

This is the only program that uses your own unique personality to attract women.

Other “gurus” will try to mold you to be exactly like them…. They’ll have you dress like them and act like them even if that’s not who you really are.

We’ll show you what naturally attracts women.  Click Here For More Details

Interested in a BOOTCAMP?

We’re going to be in Las Vegas, Cancun, New York City, Los Angeles, Miami, Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Thailand, Dubai, India, Australia and that’s us just getting started.

If you’re serious about getting results with women FAST, then this is your ticket.

Here are a few things we’ll cover:

  • Discover a POWERFUL way to approach, attract, number close, and get dates during the day!
  • Destroy your approach anxiety and spark instant attraction with your body language as you get women to CHASE YOU!
  • Get Tons of infield practice, real-life drills, role-playing, and instant feedback on your interactions to make approaching women completely second nature!

Click Here To Find Out More

how to get your ex-girlfriend back

How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Screwed things up with the girl of your dreams? I’m Matt Artisan, and I’ll show you how to get your ex-girlfriend back after a tough breakup.

Download the Conversation Cheat Sheet for more on what to say to her. 
how to get your girlfriend back

How To Get Your Ex GF Back

Going through a breakup can be really tough and heartbreaking. But I’m here to help you learn how to get her back.

How could it have happened?

You found the girl of your dreams but you just didn’t know it at the time, and so you royally screwed things up! Or maybe you did know she was your one and only, but she left you for another guy. That’s brutal!

Before we get into the best ways to win over the one that left you, first a word of warning, nine out of Ten times when a relationship ends it’s best to learn from your mistakes and move on because the relationship was probably somewhat toxic. You just couldn’t see warning signs because you were blinded by love!

But what if you are afraid that you will never meet anyone else like her ever again. Well, you are probably right. The relationship you had with her was unique, and you will never have that exact relationship again. But chances are that you will find a different relationship in the near future that is just as or even more fulfilling.

A Breakup is an Opportunity

Now, you might feel like your life will never be the same again and that’s actually a good thing because this is an opportunity for a great deal of learning and growing.

Ask yourself the question, “What am I supposed to be learning from this?” “How am I supposed to grow?” “How will I become a better person because of this?” And remember, just because your relationship is over, it doesn’t change the core of who you are as a person.

So stop sobbing, learn from the experience and then get out there and start meeting some pretty ladies! Besides, if your ex-girlfriend hears that you are out dating, that might actually make her jealous and want you back.

Don’t be the desperate guy…

Most guys, however, do the exact opposite. They smother her, call her and text her 100 times a day! Show up at her work, which forced her to get a restraining order against them. This just creeps her out and pushes you further away leaving you with no shot in the future! AND a hefty fine if you come within 50 yards of her.

Sometimes, women just need space and some time to think about their relationship and priorities in life. Respect her wishes and give her some space. Don’t send her love letters or threaten to kill yourself. This just shows that you are a desperate man who has no life of his own. A woman wants a man that has a plan and purpose in life other than her.

I know women are going to hate me for saying this, but a woman does not want to be a Man’s only purpose in life. So take some time to focus on your life’s mission. If you’re not sure what that is then this is a perfect time to assess your values and figure out what you truly want out of life.

How To Get Your Ex GF Back: Starting from Scratch

If at this point you realize you still want her back, then wait a few days for things to calm down and then make contact with her. And I suggest sending a simple text like: “Hope you are doing well :).” This shows her that you still care about her without going overboard.

Just take things slow. Don’t get overly excited that she texted you back. Be casual and eventually ask her out for coffee. Yep, it’s kind of like starting from scratch.

When you see her in person, find out exactly why she broke up with you. She might actually give you an answer that surprises you. If she needs time to think, then tell her you’ll give her the time she needs. If it is something that you did or something she doesn’t like about you or your lifestyle, then you have to decide if you are willing to change or not.

Has She found someone else?

But what if she left you for someone else? Like your best friend, or your dad (Ewww..) or maybe her sexy female teacher (THAT could be INTERESTING!)

Getting her back when she already has someone else can be difficult. Now, if you try to beat him up, (NOT advisable) maybe it can make you feel better for a moment, OR get you arrested, but that’s not going to score her back.

Now, if she left you for your friend, then you deserve better. The best thing you can do is find someone yourself. That’s right! Get back out there and start dating! Meet girls online, at bars and everyday life. Have your friends introduce you to girls and join groups like dances classes or yoga class.

By the time she realizes her new guy is a douche bag, and she royally f*cked things up and comes crawling back, you’ll have probably met someone better. I know, it seems impossible now, but coming from someone who’s been in your shoes, trust me, there’s a lot of fish in the sea. It’s a cheesy metaphor, but it’s true.

So if you are going to get back out there and start meeting some hot ladies then definitely downloading my free conversation cheat sheet will do you great good.

You get:

  • My top conversation starters for any situation…
  • Simple techniques to never run out of things to say…
  • A list of my favorite games to play that create a fun-flirty vibe
  • And simple ways to escalate the interaction.
  • And more!

Download it now because you’ll want to keep this handy before you go out.

how to get your ex-girlfriend back

And if you want us to show you how to meet women personally, click here to check out the live Bootcamp Schedule.

Now you know how to get your ex-girlfriend back! Remember, a breakup is an opportunity – not a setback! Go out there and get the girl… Whether you plan on getting her back or meeting someone new, it’s up to you! YOU’RE THE MAN!

I’m out! Cheers!

how to approach a girl

How To Approach A Girl For The First Time: 3 Types Of Openers

Unanimously, the number one question we get on Bootcamp is how to approach a girl for the first time, and specifically, “What do I say?”. This is one of the biggest hurdles for guys to get over first.

Guys think it has to be the PERFECT pickup line for it to work. Ready for the good news?

What you open with doesn’t matter as much as you think.

In all my years, not one single girl I’ve been with has ever said that it was my opener that won her over. That just from the first line she knew she was coming home with me. Treat the opener for what it’s worth — starting a conversation with a girl so you can begin the process of attracting her. This is the 80% of success Woody Allen is referring to.

The opener doesn’t matter. JUST GET IT DONE.

With that said, it does help to have at least a structure to your opening and have a few memorized lines so when the time comes to approach a beautiful girl; you don’t hesitate.


The 3 Types Of Openers Are: Indirect, Situational and Direct.

INDIRECT OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Indirect openers are low risk and low reward openers. These are the most comfortable openers to open with but are the hardest to transition into a real conversation.

The benefit of an indirect opener is that it doesn’t show any interest in the girl. What makes this good is when you show attention right off the bat, the girl has to decide if she wants to entertain the conversation based solely on the first 10 seconds.

Instead of being about the girl, these types of openers relate more to subjects most people would feel socially obligated to answer like, “Do you have the time? Do you know where Starbucks is?”. Everyone would feel compelled to respond. That is why indirect openers have a high success rate of opening.

The trouble with indirect openers is it’s tough to then transition to a real conversation. Going from, “do you have the time?”, to flirting can be clumsy.

Because indirect openers are low risk, we usually recommend them as the best way to approach a girl so you can warm up and build momentum.

EXAMPLES

  • Hi! Do you know what time it is?
  • Hey There! Do you know where the closest Starbucks is?
  • Do you know where XYZ is?

PROS

  • High success rate (most girls will stop)
  • Low pressure (easy to use)
  • Doesn’t show interest in the girl (delays her need to decide if you’re a yes or no)

CONS

  • Hard to transition into a regular conversation
  • Most girls know you’re interested in them (after all, why would you ask them and not the guy over there)

SITUATIONAL OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Situational Openers are medium risk and medium reward.

This opener relates to something relevant to the environment you’re in. You could notice something about her, comment on something that just happened, make an observation, etc.

Not too long ago I successfully opened (and dated) a beautiful girl from Bosnia that I met late night at the grocery store after work. I’m a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger (who is from Austria) and noticed she was wearing a hat that said Vienna on it (capital of Austria). While she was in line, I opened her with, “Hey I like your hat! Are you from Austria?”

It turns out she was recently vacationing there with her family. That brought up the topic of travel, and we shared a few travel stories.  One thing led to another, I got her number, brought her on a date and the rest is history.

Like indirect openers, the goal of the situational opener is to start a conversation without showing interest in the girl (not yet anyway). If what you’re about to say isn’t something you would say to a girl you’re not interested in then don’t say it. By definition, you’ll be communicating interest.

The advantage situation openers have over going indirect is it’s way easier to transition into a regular conversation.

With the girl from the grocery store, it was easy to jump right into the topic of travel. If I asked for the time, it would be a bit more difficult and awkward.

The drawback of this opener is you need something to comment on. Not every girl is wearing a Vienna hat where you’re a favorite bodybuilder is from. Because of this, there may not be an opportunity to use a situational opener on the girl you want.

EXAMPLES

  • [In a clothing store] “Do you think they have my size?” (holding something ridiculous or female clothing)
  • [At the bar] “That’s my dance instructor” (pointing to a wrong dancer)
  • In general, for these types of openers try to make it either witty, amusing or what’s on your mind IN THAT MOMENT (gives the spontaneity aspect)

PROS

  • Easy to transition into a conversation with the girl
  • Doesn’t show interest in the girl (delays her need to decide if you’re a yes or no)

CONS

  • Requires something situational to comment on.
  • Can be hard to think of a situational comment at the moment.

DIRECT OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Finally, we arrive to direct openers (my personal favorite).

These are high risk but high reward. High risk, because you’re putting yourself on the line. High reward, because when they work, you’ve already built a bit of attraction with a girl based on sheer confidence.

With direct openers, you’re walking up to a girl and necessarily saying I am interested in you.

There’s no beating around the bush.

It shows her you have tremendous confidence and you’re the type of person that goes for what he wants.

On the flip side, because this opener shows your interested, she now has to decide with just a 10-second sample of you, if she’s interested in entertaining a conversation with you or not. Because of this, it’s essential that you have everything on point from the way you dress, carry yourself and how you say the opener.

When using direct openers, your non-verbal communication has to be strong.

The great thing is, women will at least give you credit for having the confidence to approach directly. As everyone knows, confidence is the number one thing every girl looks for.

If this approach is successful, you can move straight into a normal conversation.

As a side note, direct openers are especially useful when a woman is by herself which makes them perfect for day game approaches.

EXAMPLES

  • You’re the woman here I most want to meet
  • TAM’s stock opener: “Hey, real quick. This is completely random, but I just saw you and thought you look really nice and at least had to say hello.
  • In addition to that, I also like to add in what it was that sparked my interest. This makes it real and genuine. Some girls I’ve said what I noticed about you are your long tan legs. Others I’ve told, “You have the most incredible eyes.” In our last seven day Vegas Bootcamp, I told a girl, “With a booty like that I had to say hello.” (A few hours later I was experiencing the best booty of my life!)

PROS

  • Easy to transition into a conversation with the girl
  • When it works, immediately spikes attraction
  • If she’s taken, she’ll let you know right away, so you don’t waste time

CONS

  • Goes for broke. Either works or doesn’t
  • It takes the most courage out of all three openers

PARTING TIPS

Before I leave you, here are some parting tips for how to approach a girl for the first time:

  • Don’t underestimate the importance of “warm-up sets.” Until this day, I always count my first three approaches as throwaways and do them as quickly as possible to build momentum
  • Don’t take “rejection” seriously. She’s only making a decision based off a few seconds of knowing you. If ten people randomly came up to you asking for your number would you give your number to all 10? If not, don’t expect the girl too.
  • Embrace the approaches. At the end of the day, you’re bringing value into people’s lives. A good analogy I like to use is giving a homeless person $100 bucks. If you tried to give a homeless person $100 and they turned it down would you feel rejected? Of course not! You were trying to bring value to his life, and he denied it. Shame on him. You should have the same outlook on women. I’m trying to bring value into this girl’s life, and she rejected it. Shame on her.
  • Make it fun by creating incentives. Give someone $10 bucks in singles. Every time you make an approach they give you back $1. It works well because no matter the outcome, you perceive the approach as a “success” because you get another dollar back.

Your Weekend Mission (If you choose to accept)

Beginners: Use one opener (Prepare in advance)

Advanced: Use all three openers (Prepare in advance)

Alright, guys, there’s the tip of the week!

Be sure to go out there and start implementing it RIGHT AWAY. Success loves the speed of implementation.


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