4 Ways To Disarm People & Win Them Over

As I was walking through the hustling Market in Nicaragua, I realized that most people HAVE NO IDEA how to connect with another person and win them over (In a business or romantic sense).

This morning I decided to take a stroll through the market in Leon, Nicaragua and find some breakfast.  This market is full of life.  Immediately when you approach it, there is a noisy commotion of cars honking, people whistling, latin music blasting, and vendors barking.

The market is jam packed with rows and rows of hundreds of vendors selling everything from flip-flops, fresh-sliced mangos, toys, and cow liver.  There is hardly any room to walk and there is so much going on, my mind was racing trying to absorb all the surrounding chaos. It has a stench of raw meat that penetrates through the air.  Not my idea of a relaxing morning, but it is interesting to see it and a treasure chest if you are looking for cheap food.

This particular morning, I was on a mission for cheap and good breakfast.  One of the first things you’ll notice as a foreigner walking through the market, is that EVERY VENDOR is barking at you trying to sell you their goods.  I see the nicaraguan version of a food court and head towards the aisle, looking for a tasty dish to soothe my hunger.

Once they noticed I was a foreigner looking for food,  the vendors came at me like a pack of wolves, hungry for my money. No joke.  As I walked through the aisle, they would aggressively yell, “Hey handsome,  what are you looking for?” (In spanish of course).

Some would command me to come over and eat, one lady grabbed my bicep from behind with her wet hands, and another man tried to grab me and bring me over to his kitchen.

As they kept yelling at me, my mind and body shifted into defensive mode and I was no longer open to buying any of their food. My mind literally was drowning them out because they all sounded “the same.”

At that moment, I knew exactly what it feels like to be a smoking-hot babe walking through a club, with all the guys barking at her trying to get in her pants.  With all the guys bombarding her and eye-f**king her, she immediately becomes defensive. She dismisses and deflects every guy that approaches her. This is why meeting women at bars requires a different approach than meeting them at a coffee shop.

So where did I end up eating? Which vendor won over my business?

I kept on walking, still being defensive,  and then came across this one lady who was able to completely disarm me, show me what she had to offer and get me to sit down at her table and eat.

How did she do it?

She did several things right that I will explain…

1.  SMILE

She smiled and greeted me, while looking directly into my eyes.  Most people don’t realize how disarming a smile can be.  All the other vendors were yelling at me with stern look on their face, hoping I would choose them.  She simply said, “Hi, what are you looking for?” but it was how she said it that was different.  The main difference was the smile on her face.

2.  Empathize

When she looked into my eyes, and smiled, I felt a sense of connection… like she knew what I was feeling. All the other vendors made me feel like they just wanted my money.  (I understand she does too, however, because she saw me as a person, I wanted to give my money to her).

3.  Lead

The woman that grabbed my arm with her wet hands was trying to lead but it was too aggressive.  The lady that won my business, led with a smile even though I was not smiling and actually, I probably had a very stern look on my face.  The other vendors were looking at me and waiting for my reaction.  If I would have smiled, they would have smiled.  That is the flat out the wrong approach.

The person who approaches or initiates the conversation MUST lead with a smile.  This applies equally to seducing women and a HUGE mistake guys make.  You see, when guys approach women, they usually have a neutral look on their face because they are waiting to see the reaction of the girl.  They are waiting for “her approval” of him.  From her reaction, they want to know if it is okay for him to be there.

In reality, she is looking at your facial expression to see if your presence is welcome.  If you look worried or nervous when you approach, she will feel weirded out.  If you look calm, peaceful, and happy, she will feel that too and your approach will be much more welcome.

4.  Be Vulnerable

In your interactions with people, being vulnerable is the MOST effective way to CREATE A CONNECTION.

How do you do it with a woman? Share something honest and true about you with the other person.  When you are talking to a woman, reveal something to her that you don’t share with most people.  She will appreciate it and immediately feel like she can trust you.

 

These four principles will help you maneuver social situations.  Remember, lead with a smile, empathize with the other person, and be vulnerable.

 

Body Language Hack That Will Transform Your Dating

Your Body Language is more important than you think.

You probably know that people make an impression of you, based on your body language.  What you probably didn’t know, is that Powerful body language can actually boost testosterone levels and make you more confident.

Here is an amazing Ted talk that explains all about the internal effects of body language.  You have to see this…

Do Girls Want You To Shut Up – Or Keep Talking? (How To Talk To Girls)

Most guys have NO IDEA how to talk to girls.

Here is the deal:  If she can predict what you are about to say, then her brain will shut off in an effort to be efficient.

In other words… If you are a typical, boring, and predictable guy,  she will dismiss you.

And that is a big problem because you can’t seduce a woman if she is not listening to you.

Want to know why the Loud and Obnoxious ASSHOLE gets the girl?  Because he keeps her on her toes.  He is unpredictable. He is exciting.

You see, if you talk like every other guy, if your opinions are like every other guy, if you dress like every other guy… then she will just see you as another guy.

BORING!

Here’s the Magic Key to success with women: Do the opposite of what the majority of guys do.

This applies to your conversations also.  We don’t want to have the same boring conversations.  We like excitement, drama, surprise endings,  and action.

So, the most obvious way to spice up your conversations is to have an interesting life so you have compelling stories. Yes, do that.

However, if you know what you are doing, you can make ANYTHING interesting.

Let me explain what I mean.

When conversing, it is not what you say, but HOW you say it.  You can be talking about the paint on the wall (possibly the most boring topic ever) but depending on how you say it, she will either be bored out of her mind, or hooked like a baby hearing music for the first time.

So how do you talk to girls in a way that isn’t BORING?

Use Pattern Interrupts.

Pattern Interrupts are things that jolt you out of your current mindless state. For example, let’s say as you are here reading this, a SHOTGUN FIRES inside the room!!

Would you stay in a carefree and relaxed attitude or would you perk up with alertness and fear?

That is a pattern interrupt.  It gives you a sudden shift in your emotional state.  There are a few ways to do this during your interactions with women.

1.  Use Vocal Variety

At a basic level, this means to not speak like a robot.  Vary your volume, your tone, and the pace of your words to captivate your listener.

In general,  it is best to speak louder because it shows confidence and power. Right now, start the habit of speaking about 20% louder. Speaking slower and softer has its time too, especially when you are getting intimate with a woman.

While you speak, emphasize some words and then deemphasize others.  This keeps your listener paying attention.  Speed up, slow down… change it up.

2. Use Emotional Power Phrases

Words have the power to trigger emotion… some more than others.  So when speaking, use words that stimulate emotions.

For example,  what phrase triggers your emotion more –

– fish  vs  great white shark?

– a tree fell on my house  vs  A monstrous three-story tree came crashing down on my house

– I want to kiss you  vs  I want to pin you against the wall and kiss you all over your body

What you want to do is shock their emotional system just a bit.  Some people do this by being vulgar and offensive, however, that is not necessary.

If you want to hear an example of how to do this, listen to Dane Cook. He is not the funniest comedian, however his words are strong and in your face. He almost commands that you pay attention to him.

Use Pattern Interrupts.

Remember, stand out and be bold. You got this.

 

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How to pick up girls at the gym

How To Pick Up Girls At The Gym WITHOUT Being Creepy

You are at the gym, and there is a beautiful girl in yoga pants doing squats… every guy is staring at her but no one has the balls to go talk to her.

So what do you do?

In this post, let’s break down how to pick up girls at the gym.

Use social value to your advantage. Everywhere you go, you should be friendly and engaging with people, both guys and girls.  Women have an intuitive sense about guys.  They get a sense of who you are just by the way people interact with you.

Talk to the people at the front when you come in, make sure they know who you are.  Befriend the guys and girls that are regulars.  It is important to talk to ALL girls, not just the hot ones.  This works to your advantage for two reasons… 1. The girl you are not attracted to may have a very attractive friend. 2.  The women you do want, will see you talking to other girls and get a little jealous.

Play It Slow. If you and her both go to the gym regularly, then you can count on seeing her again.  Most guys will make the mistake of rushing it. That is fine if you don’t think you will ever see her again.  In that case, use the CQC Method to get her number right away.  For the most part, you can build more attraction and desire if you play it slow.  Let her see you be consistent at the gym. Let her see you pushing some weight.  And let her see you converse with everyone.  This will make her want you more.

The first time you see her, smile and say hi.  The next time you see her smile, introduce yourself, and have a short chat. Then each day you see her, flirt with her just a little bit to create a sexual tension.  If you do this right, she will start giving you strong signals.  Signals that indicate she wants you to make a move.  Once you get those signals, strike while the iron is hot and it will be easy.  Ask her out stud!

How To Not Give A F**K About What People Think Of You

Do you want a magnetic personality?

A personality that hooks peoples attention and makes them want more.  A personality that attracts beautiful women and a personality that guys respect.

In reality, you have a rockstar personality inside of YOU.  I know it. Personality is not so much acquired, but released, from within.  Your personality is the manifestation of your unique creative self. You have a “good” personality when you are able to express your real self.  In other words, your sexy, awesome, influential personality is revealed when you don’t give F**K about what other people think of you.

The problem is, most guys (and people) are too afraid to let it out. You see, in every social situation, people are always giving you feedback.  Some of it is negative and some of it is positive.  For example, if they like what you say, they may smile.  If they don’t like what you say, they may give you a look of confusion.

This feedback is good because it allows us to adjust how we come across to people and accomplish our desired outcome.  Now, the problem arises when guys become too attached to the outcome… or the reaction of the other person.  This manifests itself in two ways.

1. Some guys strive to be the “Funny and Likeable” guy. He does everything he can to get people to laugh and smile.  He is constantly seeking their positive reaction and their approval.  The problem is that he loses all attraction because he is putting others before him.  He has now become the “entertainer” instead of the “King” who gets entertained.  This is not letting your true personality shine because it is still dependent on other peoples reactions.

2. When guys take negative feedback or peoples reactions too seriously, they shut down, become quiet,  and don’t let their personality shine.  They would rather stay quiet and do nothing than risk getting a bad reaction from people. They cannot express their personality and let their inhibitions take over. They are constantly focused on avoiding any negative feedback whatsoever so they do nothing. Symptoms of this are shyness, timidity, self-consciousness, and nervousness.

Do you fall into one of those categories?

Don’t worry, you are not alone.  Many people are self-conscious and would rather not have any negative feedback.  But negative feedback is good.  For example, let’s say you are traveling in your car from point A to point B with your GPS.  Let’s say you take a wrong turn and your GPS says, “You are going the wrong way, please turn around.”  Would you quit driving altogether because you made one wrong move?  Or would you just turn around and keep going?  It is the same with life and social situations.  When you receive a negative response, adjust and keep moving forward.

When people are too self-conscious, they care TOO much about what people think.  If this is you, then it is time to NOT GIVE A F**K about what they think of you.

Do you want to make a good impression with women or people in general? The way to make a good impression on another person is TO NEVER CONSCIOUSLY TRY TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON THEM. Don’t act or fail to act purely to create a certain reaction.

You may be thinking, “If I don’t care what people think, I may lose my job, or hurt people’s feelings…”  Okay, true.  At some level it is good to care for other people.  However, if you are  self-conscious, shy, timid, worry a lot, or are seeking positive reactions, then YOU NEED TO STOP and move to the other side of the spectrum called, “NOT GIVING A F**K about what they think of you“.

What do I mean?  I mean acting on behalf of what YOU want to do.

Don’t act based on other people.  I DO NOT MEAN HARMING PEOPLE EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY. There is a balance where you care for people, but you don’t react if they have a negative response towards you.

So practice disinhibition.  Here are some exercises:

1. Practice speaking your mind. Don’t think too hard about what you are going to say.  Let the words flow out.

2. Stop Criticizing yourself .  Self-criticism and analysis can be useful every once in while but if done constantly, it is defeating.

3. SPEAK LOUDER.  Start right now to speak 15% louder than usual.  Most timid people speak very softly.  You will notice an improvement in confidence when you speak louder.

4. Let people know when you like them.  People with a self-conscious personality are afraid of complementing people because it may come across as manipulative.  The attractive man speaks his mind.  So today find one person that you can genuinely complement.  Guy or girl, whatever.

Don’t care what people think of you.  You are a awesome.

Make it happen, captain.