how to approach a girl

How To Approach A Girl For The First Time: 3 Types Of Openers

Unanimously, the number one question we get on Bootcamp is how to approach a girl for the first time, and specifically, “What do I say?”. This is one of the biggest hurdles for guys to get over first.

Guys think it has to be the PERFECT pickup line for it to work. Ready for the good news?

What you open with doesn’t matter as much as you think.

In all my years, not one single girl I’ve been with has ever said that it was my opener that won her over. That just from the first line she knew she was coming home with me. Treat the opener for what it’s worth — starting a conversation with a girl so you can begin the process of attracting her. This is the 80% of success Woody Allen is referring to.

The opener doesn’t matter. JUST GET IT DONE.

With that said, it does help to have at least a structure to your opening and have a few memorized lines so when the time comes to approach a beautiful girl; you don’t hesitate.


The 3 Types Of Openers Are: Indirect, Situational and Direct.

INDIRECT OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Indirect openers are low risk and low reward openers. These are the most comfortable openers to open with but are the hardest to transition into a real conversation.

The benefit of an indirect opener is that it doesn’t show any interest in the girl. What makes this good is when you show attention right off the bat, the girl has to decide if she wants to entertain the conversation based solely on the first 10 seconds.

Instead of being about the girl, these types of openers relate more to subjects most people would feel socially obligated to answer like, “Do you have the time? Do you know where Starbucks is?”. Everyone would feel compelled to respond. That is why indirect openers have a high success rate of opening.

The trouble with indirect openers is it’s tough to then transition to a real conversation. Going from, “do you have the time?”, to flirting can be clumsy.

Because indirect openers are low risk, we usually recommend them as the best way to approach a girl so you can warm up and build momentum.

EXAMPLES

  • Hi! Do you know what time it is?
  • Hey There! Do you know where the closest Starbucks is?
  • Do you know where XYZ is?

PROS

  • High success rate (most girls will stop)
  • Low pressure (easy to use)
  • Doesn’t show interest in the girl (delays her need to decide if you’re a yes or no)

CONS

  • Hard to transition into a regular conversation
  • Most girls know you’re interested in them (after all, why would you ask them and not the guy over there)

SITUATIONAL OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Situational Openers are medium risk and medium reward.

This opener relates to something relevant to the environment you’re in. You could notice something about her, comment on something that just happened, make an observation, etc.

Not too long ago I successfully opened (and dated) a beautiful girl from Bosnia that I met late night at the grocery store after work. I’m a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger (who is from Austria) and noticed she was wearing a hat that said Vienna on it (capital of Austria). While she was in line, I opened her with, “Hey I like your hat! Are you from Austria?”

It turns out she was recently vacationing there with her family. That brought up the topic of travel, and we shared a few travel stories.  One thing led to another, I got her number, brought her on a date and the rest is history.

Like indirect openers, the goal of the situational opener is to start a conversation without showing interest in the girl (not yet anyway). If what you’re about to say isn’t something you would say to a girl you’re not interested in then don’t say it. By definition, you’ll be communicating interest.

The advantage situation openers have over going indirect is it’s way easier to transition into a regular conversation.

With the girl from the grocery store, it was easy to jump right into the topic of travel. If I asked for the time, it would be a bit more difficult and awkward.

The drawback of this opener is you need something to comment on. Not every girl is wearing a Vienna hat where you’re a favorite bodybuilder is from. Because of this, there may not be an opportunity to use a situational opener on the girl you want.

EXAMPLES

  • [In a clothing store] “Do you think they have my size?” (holding something ridiculous or female clothing)
  • [At the bar] “That’s my dance instructor” (pointing to a wrong dancer)
  • In general, for these types of openers try to make it either witty, amusing or what’s on your mind IN THAT MOMENT (gives the spontaneity aspect)

PROS

  • Easy to transition into a conversation with the girl
  • Doesn’t show interest in the girl (delays her need to decide if you’re a yes or no)

CONS

  • Requires something situational to comment on.
  • Can be hard to think of a situational comment at the moment.

DIRECT OPENERS

how to approach a girl

Finally, we arrive to direct openers (my personal favorite).

These are high risk but high reward. High risk, because you’re putting yourself on the line. High reward, because when they work, you’ve already built a bit of attraction with a girl based on sheer confidence.

With direct openers, you’re walking up to a girl and necessarily saying I am interested in you.

There’s no beating around the bush.

It shows her you have tremendous confidence and you’re the type of person that goes for what he wants.

On the flip side, because this opener shows your interested, she now has to decide with just a 10-second sample of you, if she’s interested in entertaining a conversation with you or not. Because of this, it’s essential that you have everything on point from the way you dress, carry yourself and how you say the opener.

When using direct openers, your non-verbal communication has to be strong.

The great thing is, women will at least give you credit for having the confidence to approach directly. As everyone knows, confidence is the number one thing every girl looks for.

If this approach is successful, you can move straight into a normal conversation.

As a side note, direct openers are especially useful when a woman is by herself which makes them perfect for day game approaches.

EXAMPLES

  • You’re the woman here I most want to meet
  • TAM’s stock opener: “Hey, real quick. This is completely random, but I just saw you and thought you look really nice and at least had to say hello.
  • In addition to that, I also like to add in what it was that sparked my interest. This makes it real and genuine. Some girls I’ve said what I noticed about you are your long tan legs. Others I’ve told, “You have the most incredible eyes.” In our last seven day Vegas Bootcamp, I told a girl, “With a booty like that I had to say hello.” (A few hours later I was experiencing the best booty of my life!)

PROS

  • Easy to transition into a conversation with the girl
  • When it works, immediately spikes attraction
  • If she’s taken, she’ll let you know right away, so you don’t waste time

CONS

  • Goes for broke. Either works or doesn’t
  • It takes the most courage out of all three openers

PARTING TIPS

Before I leave you, here are some parting tips for how to approach a girl for the first time:

  • Don’t underestimate the importance of “warm-up sets.” Until this day, I always count my first three approaches as throwaways and do them as quickly as possible to build momentum
  • Don’t take “rejection” seriously. She’s only making a decision based off a few seconds of knowing you. If ten people randomly came up to you asking for your number would you give your number to all 10? If not, don’t expect the girl too.
  • Embrace the approaches. At the end of the day, you’re bringing value into people’s lives. A good analogy I like to use is giving a homeless person $100 bucks. If you tried to give a homeless person $100 and they turned it down would you feel rejected? Of course not! You were trying to bring value to his life, and he denied it. Shame on him. You should have the same outlook on women. I’m trying to bring value into this girl’s life, and she rejected it. Shame on her.
  • Make it fun by creating incentives. Give someone $10 bucks in singles. Every time you make an approach they give you back $1. It works well because no matter the outcome, you perceive the approach as a “success” because you get another dollar back.

Your Weekend Mission (If you choose to accept)

Beginners: Use one opener (Prepare in advance)

Advanced: Use all three openers (Prepare in advance)

Alright, guys, there’s the tip of the week!

Be sure to go out there and start implementing it RIGHT AWAY. Success loves the speed of implementation.


If you like tips like these, then I would highly recommend you check out The Language of Attraction or attend a BOOTCAMP.

Don’t know what The Language of Attraction is?

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Here are a few things we’ll cover:

  • Discover a POWERFUL way to approach, attract, number close, and get dates during the day!
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Miguel
Miguel is a dating coach and writer currently residing in New York City. Miguel's no-nonsense approach focuses on fast results and efficiency in the game, fueled by his passion for social interaction and women.
2 replies
  1. Avatar
    Prince ooyes says:

    Hi Miguel,
    Thank you for gathering these
    comprehensive points on How to approach a girl for the first time.

    They are excellent.
    I certainly learned a few new and
    important tricks, that’s for sure.
    Keep it up

    Reply

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