approaching women

How To Stop Obsessing Over Hot Women (Take Her Off The Pedestal)

Have you ever been obsessed with a girl you just met and it completely screwed up the interaction?

Look, women are not attracted to guys that put them on pedestals. 

And if you’re stuck on a woman with an unhealthy obsession, it’s probably screwing with your life.

In this video, you’ll discover 4 tips to getting over her so you can live your life undistracted. Make sure to watch this through, because I’ve put some practical applications of these tips at the end of the video:

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How To Stop Obsessing Over Hot Women

Don’t Put Girls On Pedestals

You’ve probably heard of “putting a woman on a pedestal,” the tendency for some of us to view a woman’s positive qualities and ignore her negative ones. Optimistically looking at people and seeing the best is a GOOD thing. The problem comes when we PROJECT qualities onto a woman that she doesn’t actually have, or when we project that the side we like is her ALL the time as if she’s not a normal human with moods swings, problems, and a lot of stuff going on.

The problem with this mode of thinking is that WHO SHE ACTUALLY IS doesn’t match your PROJECTED FANTASY about who she is. This is always a recipe for disappointment.

Guys with this issue fall into one of two camps, either they don’t operate from an ABUNDANCE mentality (they can’t find a bunch of options to meet their own needs), or they have very little experience, leaving very few references in their minds to navigate real relationships with real people.

Before I understood these concepts, I used to think like this all the time. One girl, in particular, caught me for a loop at the bar in my hometown. We started vibing, shared some laughs, and eventually made out on the dancefloor. What a great night! After that, however, I started PROJECTING onto her all of the stuff I wanted in a girlfriend, some of which she didn’t actually have. Inadvertently, I stopped viewing her as a human, and just viewed her through the lens as my ideal partner, who could meet all of my needs and nullify all of my insecurities. Ignoring who she actually was, I began to get disappointed over and over again because she wasn’t meeting my expectations. Instead of ACTUALLY ENGAGING with her and basking in the amazingness of who she actually was, I just kept trying to get her to act like I THOUGHT she SHOULD be acting. That blew up in my face, and she stopped talking to me altogether.

Do you have a similar situation? Let’s see how we can stop projecting in our obsessions and see her for who she really is?

TIP #1
Knock her off her pedestal by flipping the script

You are the prize. If you put her on a pedestal in your mind, you might be giving off needy or weak vibes, waiting around for her to give you the right signs, give you permission to make a move, or approve of you. STOP THAT. You are the prize to be won. When you realize your own value to her, you’ll expect her to work for you. This has a double benefit of both showing your value, and stopping weak behaviors that turn her off.

TIP #2
Focus on you

Every hero has a quest, and every man has a mission. When you prove to yourself that you have ambition and success in other areas, you can validate yourself, instead of waiting for her to do it for you.

  • Find your mission
  • Pour Everything into it
  • Challenge yourself to crush it. Step up like a man and make things happen, rather than just waiting around to get lucky.

TIP #3
Manage your own emotions

When you envision a woman who can complete you, you tend to see yourself as “not good enough,” or “broken.” You don’t need anyone to complete you; you’re awesome. Prove it to yourself, and she’ll notice it too, in the way you carry yourself.

  • Own your space in the world
  • Take responsibility for your own emotions
  • Take responsibility for how you make others feel, too. When you believe you’re a powerful influence on the people around you, you ARE!

TIP #4
Qualify her to fit into YOUR life

When you get caught up with infatuation in the early stages of meeting someone new, step up and get to know her. Make a list of standards that she must meet, and then ask her about each one, evaluating how she fits in.

This will do two things;

1) It will free you from projecting ethereal or unrealistic expectations on women, and

2) It will bring attention to LOOKING FOR these qualities, so that you may see them in other people as well. This will broaden your pool of dateable women and you’ll be taking a massive step toward an abundance mentality.

The core idea behind getting over your obsession with new girls is REPLACING YOUR EXPECTATIONS WITH REALITY, rather than your own myopic fantasy.

Final Thoughts

Armed with both a clear understanding of your own standards and an idea of how a woman you’re attracted to is operating, you’ll be able to see these qualities in everyone. Rather than PROJECTING a fantasy, EVALUATE the reality of every new woman you meet. Take action to ACTUALLY engage with a woman and you’ll free yourself from stalling in fantasy land obsessing over any one girl.

Now if you’re asking yourself, “Sure I’ll remember to do all that, but what do I say to a girl?” We got you covered:

We created this Free Conversation Cheat Sheet where I break down exactly what to say after “Hi” to make her want you.

You get:

  • My top conversation starters for any situation…
  • Simple techniques to never run out of things to say…
  • A list of my favorite games to play that create a fun-flirty vibe
  • And simple ways to escalate the interaction.
  • And more!

Download it now because you’ll want to keep this handy before you go out.

And if you want us to show you how to meet women personallyclick here to check out the live Bootcamp Schedule.

I’m out! Cheers!

Duke is obsessed with dating and communication. He has B.S. in Psychology, is Certified in Hypnosis, an NLP Practitioner, and has been teaching live pickup and dating workshops for 4 1/2 years.

Inspired by his own transformation from anti-social homeschool nerd to world traveling dating coach, Duke worked closely with Matt Artisan in the 2 Year Trainer program before becoming a coach.

His deep respect for intimacy and authentic communication sets his teaching apart from the typical pickup fray as he helps students get in touch with their inner integrity and foster honest heart-centered relationships
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