How To Talk To Girls & Spark Attraction

Want to learn how to talk to girls in a way that consistently sparks attraction? Discover the secrets to meeting gorgeous women and making them yours!

If you want to learn how to talk to girls in a way that consistently sparks attraction, then you’re in the right place. I’m going to share with you some simple yet effective techniques that will allow you to easily and consistently attract women into your bedroom and your life.

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But first, tell me if this sounds familiar:

You’re hanging out with your friends when out of nowhere appears a drop dead gorgeous girl that makes your heart skip a beat and your stomach flip. “Could this be the one?” You start to imagine what her ass looks like underneath that sundress when suddenly, all the things that you had to say get sucked out of your brain and you’re left completely blank. Before you have the chance to make your move she disappears, never to be seen again…

If you’re nodding your head in agreement and reliving the frustration of missing out on yet another beautiful girl, you’re not alone. After all, most of us aren’t taught how to talk to girls growing up. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way: Learning how to talk to women and consistently spark attraction is a learnable skill, just like any other.

In this article, I’m going to share with you the hardest-hitting, most effective techniques on how to talk to girls in a way that causes an instant magnetic attraction.


Powerful Concepts to Short-Cut Your Results

how to talk to girls

You already have enough info about how to talk to women to go out and start setting day 2’s with attractive women right now. Here are some extra tips to help you take your game to the next level.

#1. Opposites Attract

Want to know the key to making her sexually attracted to you?

Show her your masculine side.

For there to be sexual attraction, you need the polarity between the feminine and masculine energy. You see, women are deeply attracted to masculine men. Just as you probably are attracted to very feminine women.

Just like magnets, when you put two positive sides together… they repel. But when you bring two opposite sides together… they attract. So show her your masculine side because she won’t want to sleep with you if you show too much femininity.

That means:

  •     Speak loudly and with a powerful low voice
  •     Stand up tall and be proud
  •     Speak your mind… don’t be afraid to say no to her
  •     Lead the interaction and bring her into your world.
  •     Have powerful eye contact

I’m not saying to be aggressive towards her, but definitely don’t be a wimp.

#2. Emotion vs. Logic

One common mistake guys make when learning how to talk to women is to communicate logically when they should be communicating emotionally. While logic has its time and place, it’s certainly not the language of seduction. Women respond to emotions. When you’re breaking rapport (i.e. teasing them), you’re spiking emotions of fun and excitement. And when you’re building connection, you’re triggering the emotions of safety, security, and intimacy.

On the contrary, speaking logically has no benefit when it comes to turning on women and making them want to be with you. So communicate emotionally instead when talking to women you’re interested in, and save logic for other areas of your life.

#3. Self-Amusement

Self-amusement is exactly what it sounds like: Using the interaction as an opportunity to amuse yourself. This is key to keeping the conversation fresh and interesting when first learning what to talk about with a woman. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll never run out of things to say! You’ll feel good talking about something that matters to you, and it will attract women like nobody’s business. When you’re interested in or amused by what it is you’re saying or doing, the girl will naturally be interested as well.

Here are a few ways to self-amuse:

  •     Talking about things you’re passionate about
  •     Debating topics you find interesting
  •     Making jokes that you think are funny – whether or not she gets it!
  •     Having her do things that amuse you

#4. Qualification

Qualifying a girl is when you test her to make sure she fits certain criteria that are important to you. This demonstrates that you are a man with standards, and it puts her in the position of trying to prove herself to you. Perhaps most importantly, it ensures that the women you’re allowing into your life are the exact types of people you want to surround yourself with.

In order to properly qualify a woman, you first need to take the time to decide what’s important to you in a woman.

  • What personality traits do you value?
  • How do you want her to treat herself and those around her?
  • How do you want her to be sexually?

The more specific you can be with your qualifications, the clearer the image of your ideal woman will be in your head. This will make it easier for you to spot her when you see her, and it will make your qualifications more congruent.

Once you know what you want, you can qualify the girl by simply asking her if she’s the type of person you’re looking for. For example, if I want a girl who will be down to have threesomes with me, I might ask her “Have you ever kissed a girl before?” followed up by “What did you think about it?”.

Hopefully, you’re beginning to see how powerful it is to be the type of man who knows how to talk to women in a way that demonstrates he has standards. Once you’re able to congruently qualify a woman, she’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.

How to Talk to Girls: From First Sight to First Date

HOW TO START A CONVERSATION WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

how to talk to women

When first learning how to talk to girls, most guys get caught up on the first hurdle: Initiating conversation. But starting a conversation with a beautiful woman can be as simple as walking up and introducing yourself. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

1.) Approach within 3 seconds – when you see a woman you want to talk to, start talking to her within 3 seconds of seeing her, no matter what. This short-circuits your brains’ ability to come up with excuses, and helps you build a habit of talking to hot girls – which is not a bad habit to have! It also conveys confidence, which has long been known to be a major attraction trigger for women.

2.) Open strong – Coming in with a strong opening line can start the interaction off on the right foot. Playful and flirty opening lines can be great. However, there’s no problem with keeping it simple if you’re feeling tongue-tied. Here are some examples of great opening lines:

  • “Have you noticed that you and I are like the hottest/coolest people in this entire place? It’s true, so I figured we have to meet.” Say this one half-jokingly.
  • Hey real quick, this is totally random, but I just saw you over here and I thought you were absolutely stunning. I had to come over and say ‘hi’.
  • Are you shy? Because I’ve been here for 10 minutes and you haven’t talked to me yet, or flirted with me, or bought me a drink… you must be shy.” Try saying this one in a teasing manner
  • Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met yet. I’m [Your Name].” Say this confidently, with strong eye contact and a warm smile.

Feel free to modify the openers based on the situation, your mood, and your own individual style. And don’t be afraid to try new things! You’re not going to break anything.

3.) Don’t get hung up on the opener! – Believe it or not, the actual words that come out of your mouth when you first meet a woman aren’t all that important, especially when compared to the overall vibe that you’re giving off. Later on, when you have more experience, it’s worth coming back and practicing different kinds of openers. But when you’re first learning to attract women, it’s totally fine to say the first thing that comes to your mind when you first approach her. This will get you in the habit of going for it instead of second-guessing yourself – and developing that killer instinct will get you more women than any pickup line ever could.

HOW TO SPIKE ATTRACTION IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES

Attraction begins before you ever open your mouth or walk up to the girl. She starts deciding whether or not she likes you from the moment she first notices you based on your energy, your body language, and the way you carry yourself. These are all examples of nonverbal attraction triggers – things you do that trigger attraction other than the words you say.

Nonverbal attraction triggers include dominant body language and eye contact, a confident vibe, proper vocal tonality and more. Having dominant nonverbals triggers extreme attraction in women because it congruently indicates that you’re capable of protecting them. This feeling of safety is arousing to women, as they have a biological need for an alpha male who is capable of watching over and protecting them during pregnancy and motherhood. When you see how deeply ingrained this need is in a woman’s biology, it should come as no surprise that a woman can make a decision on your attractiveness based on your nonverbals alone!

As a beginner, the highest-leverage change you can make in your nonverbal attraction game is to work on presenting open, confident body language at all times. Simply standing up straight, keeping eye contact, and smiling is enough to begin to attract women. Also, be sure to keep your hands visible – it will make her feel more at ease in your presence. This type of body language also projects confidence and dominance. Once you nail proper body language you can build attraction with a woman without even opening your mouth.

You can verbally build attraction through verbal breaks in rapport.

In order to understand breaking rapport, you first need to understand seeking rapport – the strategy that unattractive, low-status men use to try to get women to like them which includes chasing, self-censorship, and supplication. Seeking rapport is a huge turnoff to women because it exposes the man as being insecure, needy, and living in a state of scarcity with women. This is the type of guy that will get “friend-zoned” or ignored completely.

A high-status man, on the other hand, will actively break rapport. This single-handedly differentiates him from the rest of the herd and demonstrates that he’s a confident man who doesn’t need any particular woman because he’s living in a state of abundance. The type of man that can confidently and congruently break rapport is the type of man that women dream about and pursue.

There are many ways that you can verbally break rapport. Let’s focus on one type of rapport break for now: Teasing.

A tease is a playful jab where you imply something funny or “off” about the girl in a joking way. It spikes the energy of the conversation, and when done right, it should feel fun for both you and her. Teasing a girl is absolute gold for getting her attracted to you because it communicates that you’re a confident guy who doesn’t need anything from her.

Here are some examples of teasing:

  •     Giving her a funny nickname. For instance, if I meet a girl at the gym I might start calling her Hercules.
  •     Making jokes about her being the type of girl that chases guys. For instance, if she’s checking out a guy in public (or even just looking at someone) I might say “You’re so thirsty! Stop looking so hard, he’s going to notice!” This could even work if the guy she’s looking at is an old man or very unattractive. In fact, it’s even funnier!
  •     Making jokes about her being overly sexual. For instance, if she touches me I might say “Woah there, slow down! I’m saving myself for marriage.”

Just keep in mind that all teases should be done in an obviously playful manner. You know you’re teasing properly when the girl laughs, teases you back, or just lights up in general.

However, if she gets offended or hurt by your tease, then you may want to dial back the intensity of your jabs and make it more clear through your body language and facial expressions that you’re just joking around.

Another way to spike attraction verbally is by being a challenge. Most guys don’t challenge hot women to be anything other than just hot. This shows a lack of experience, which indicates scarcity and is unattractive. A more seasoned man will tend to have higher standards for the women he dates. When you challenge a girl to provide more than just a pretty face and a nice body, you set yourself apart from the rest of the herd. We’ll dive deeper into this topic later in the article, in the section on qualification.

HOW TO QUICKLY BUILD A CONNECTION WITH A WOMAN

Once she’s laughing and playing into the good vibes, you know you’re on the right track. Now it’s time to build a deeper connection with the girl. Building a connection will make you feel closer to one another, and it gives her more incentive to see you again. Plus, when you learn how to talk to girls in a way that builds comfort – the way that I’m about to show you – it makes setting up a date with her a cinch!

There are many ways to build a connection. For now, let’s focus the basics of relating to the girl.

Relating to the girl is when you and her share things about yourselves that the other can empathize with. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with one another, or that you’ve had had the same experience – in fact, it’s perfectly fine to disagree with the things she says from time to time. Relating is about being vulnerable with one another in a way that builds trust and connection.

When asking questions to relate to the girl, you’ll start with more superficial questions which gradually become deeper and more personal as you get to know one another. You could begin with something like finding out whether or not she likes sushi and end up discovering her secret dream to one day tour as a musician.

Sharing vulnerable things about one another is one of the fastest ways to strengthen the bonds of trust and intimacy within a relationship. This means that the deeper you go, the more invested the girl will be in you and the closer you’ll feel to one another.

To begin leading towards a more vulnerable discussion, you’ll begin with level 1 vulnerability questions – standard get-to-know-you chit-chat – and eventually work your way down to level 3 – deeper, more personal questions.

I’ve also included a list of logistical questions, which will help make setting up dates easier.

Logistical questions:

  •     What kind of food are you into?
  •     What do you do to stay fit?
  •     What’s something you do for fun that would surprise me?
  •     What’s your idea of a good time?

Level 1 questions:

  •     What are you most passionate about?
  •     What’s more important to you – money or love? Why?
  •     What are you most proud of about yourself?
  •     What’s your story?

Level 2 questions:

  •     What’s your biggest regret?
  •     If you could do anything in life with no chance of failure, what would it be?
  •     What’s your favorite memory?
  •     What memory is the most difficult for you?
  •     What was your life like growing up?

Level 3 questions:

  •     If we were ever to become very close, what’s something you would want me to know about you?
  •     What’s the last thing that brought you to tears? Why?
  •     What topics aren’t funny to joke about to you? Why not?
  •     What’s your biggest fear?
  •     If right now was your last moment on Earth, what would you regret not saying or doing? Why? Why don’t you? What would happen if you did that thing right now?

Asking questions that you care to hear the answer to and really listening is one of the fastest ways to build a deep connection. Its one of the essentials when learning how to talk to girls. Plus, it’s often very enjoyable finding out about the person in front of you and realizing how much they have to offer as a person.

CREATING A SEXUAL VIBE & KISSING HER

Things are going well for you two. Why not go for a kiss?

kissing a girl

In order to warm her up for the kiss, you’ll want to begin by creating a sexual vibe. Allow yourself to begin feeling the sexual energy in the air between you and her. Feel yourself enjoying that chemistry, and let the desire that you have for her fill your body and mind. This feeling of a sexual vibe is also known as “sexual tension”, and dominant men are pros at holding this tension without flinching. Once you get used to staying grounded in that sexual energy, it feels great. There’s nothing in the world like it.

Once sexual tension starts building, the girl may add to the tension if she’s feeling confident, or giggle to diffuse the tension if she’s feeling submissive or shy. These are both good signs that she’s interested enough in you to kiss you right now. However, if she looks uncomfortable, flinches, or otherwise closes off her body to you then she may not be ready to kiss you just yet.

Here are some ways to increase sexual tension:

  1.    Square up with her so your bodies are facing one another directly
  2.    Close the distance between the two of you until you feel the heat radiating off of her body or are physically touching her
  3.    Drop your voice down low. You can also start speaking more softly, enticing her to lean in
  4.    Gradually begin slowing… Down… Your rate… Of speech
  5.    Making strong, solid eye contact. Allow your eyes to linger on parts of her that especially catch your attention, such as her lips or neck

For the sake of racking up more experience, I recommend attempting to build sexual tension and go for the kiss in all interactions lasting more than a couple of minutes.

HOW TO SET A “DAY 2”

So… You already learned how to attract women through teasing, how to build a commonality, and how to sexually vibe and kiss during the interaction. The next step is to set up a day 2. I know I called it a date earlier, but now I want you to erase that word from your vocabulary! You don’t go on dates anymore. Instead, you go on day 2’s.

What’s a day 2? So glad you asked!

A day 2 is like a better version of a date. We call it day 2 instead of a date because traditionally, a date is coming from the frame of the man trying to impress the woman, which is actually detrimental when it comes to attracting women. A date is formal and stiff, whereas a day 2 is fun and light. A date consists of you trying to impress her, whereas a day 2 consists of you both having fun together. You get the idea.

The simplest way to set up your day 2 when first learning how to talk to women is to leverage one of the commonalities you’ve established with her. Let’s go with the sushi example: You found out that you both love sushi. And you happen to know of a new sushi bar opening up in a couple of days. Now, setting up the day 2 is as simple as inviting her to check it out with you. If you’ve done the other steps properly so far, the chances of her being excited to go with you are very high!

This is also the perfect chance to get her phone number. After she agrees to go on the day 2 with you, you can say something like “perfect, give me your number so I can text you if anything changes”.

Oh – and in case you were unsure, you don’t need to call it a date or a day 2 to her. Just call it hanging out.

Congrats! You just learned how to approach a random woman and make her a part of your life in one conversation. Remember, the more you practice these techniques the more effortless it will become to not just talk to women, but attract women, too. Eventually, you’ll become proficient enough to know how to talk to women in any given scenario to quickly gain attraction and set up a date.

Where are the best places to meet girls?

There are two categories of places to meet girls. If you want to know how to talk to girls, you need to acquaint yourself with these places. These can be broken up into “day game” and “night game” venues.

Let’s talk a bit about the pros and cons of each, as well as how to modify your approach depending on the environment to attract women with the greatest consistency.

How to Talk to Girls at Nighttime Venues

talking to girls night time

Meeting girls at nightlife venues are my top recommendation for those trying to improve their seduction skills. Nightlife venues are high-density, which lets you get a lot of approaches and practice in a short amount of time.

Some good night game venues include:

  •     Clubs
  •     Bars
  •     Lounges
  •     Concerts and other events

Night game is often boisterous and fast-paced. Because of this, it helps to take a more physical and high energy approach. This includes being more animated with your body language and facial expressions, projecting your voice, and speaking in short, simple sentences so as to be understood. You can also be much more physical during the nighttime, including leading and breaking rapport physically.

For the night game, I often go indirect, especially if it’s in a venue that I frequent. This means that my opens are social in nature and I don’t convey a special interest in any particular girl off the bat. Indirect openers would include “Hey, how do you know everyone here?” and “Hey, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet, I’m [Your Name]. Who are you?” These openers convey that you have friends in the area, which lends you status and social proof.

Once I’ve opened the set, I’ll often dive straight into qualification and leading. During night game, I want to immediately begin screening for girls who are down to get pulled that night, and I tailor my qualifications and leads accordingly.

Here are some examples of qualification and leading for night game:

  •     “Are you adventurous? Oh, really… What’s the craziest thing you’ve done all week?”
  •     Say “come with me”. Then take her hand and lead her around the venue, stopping to enjoy cool places like photo booths, the bar, etc.
  •     “Are you a good dancer?” Then lead her to the dancefloor and start dancing with her.

Aside from qualifying and leading, you could also tell a story about a crazy, funny time you had. For night game stories, the more raunchy, crazy, or hilarious the better – as long as they paint you in a flattering light. Think of the moments in your life that could be made into TMZ headlines, and tell stories about that. The mindset to have when telling a story is that you’re sharing with the girl for your own amusement and enjoyment, and NOT trying to impress her or make her like you. After all, if she’s spending any amount of time with you in a night game venue, there’s a high chance that she already does like you.

And remember, if you ever go completely blank, that’s totally fine – night game venues are more physical than verbal, so feel free to simply yell “adventure!”, grab her hand, and lead her to do something physical such as dancing, photo booths, or out the front door of the venue to take her home.

You can also screen for logistics, which allows you to find out about her logistical situation for the evening while moving the conversation forward.

Here are some examples of logistical questions for night game:

  •     “Who are you here with tonight?”
  •     “Where do you live / how did you get here tonight?”
  •     “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Asking these questions will get you valuable information about her logistics and let you know if there are any obstacles that you’ll need to overcome in order to pull her. Plus, once you have the answer to a logistical question, you can riff on that topic with her, further adding to the conversation.

Social proof – including preselection – is your secret weapon when it comes to the night game. Build social proof by being friendly and welcoming to everyone in the area. Bounce from group to group instead of sticking to one individual, especially earlier on in the night. This allows people to see that you’re a friendly, social guy with an apparently large amount of social clout, which will have the baddies fighting over you by the end of the night.

Having an after party or another excuse to pull at the end of the night can make your pulling logistics a breeze. When the club closes down, people will want to keep the party going. Knowing where the after-party is or hosting it yourself gives you the best chances of pulling a hot girl from a nighttime venue.

How to Talk to Girls in the Day Time

Check this video out:

The drawback of day game is that there is usually a smaller volume of people, which means fewer opportunities for you to practice and succeed. However, it can still be worth your time to get experience learning how to talk to girls in different environments. Plus, it’s the main way that you’ll meet women on a day-to-day basis as you’re going about your life.

Some good day game venues include:

  •     Art galleries & museums
  •     Parks
  •     Malls
  •     Coffee shops

During day game, people are often busy running to and from work, running errands, or simply going about their day. Because of this, you’ll use time constraints frequently in day game. For instance, you might open by saying, “I need to meet up with my friend in just a second, but I wanted to come say…?”. This takes the time pressure off the girl, making her more receptive to your approach.

Unlike bars and clubs, daytime settings are not typically designed to meet strangers. Because of this, you will sometimes catch girls off guard when you approach them during the daytime. You can soften this effect by acknowledging the situation and saying something like “this is really random” or “I saw you from down the street and I had to come say hi”.

Use the COMPLIMENT, QUALIFY, CLOSE system. (CQC)

Compliment First, you compliment the girl on something about her style, appearance, or vibe. This lets her know immediately what your intentions are, which makes getting the number easier.

For example, you might say, “Hey, this is super random… I have to meet my friends in a second, but I wanted to come let you know… You’re absolutely adorable!

You’ll notice that, in addition to a compliment, the above opener also includes a time constraint and an acknowledgment of the situation.

Instead of complimenting her directly, you could also imply the compliment, like so:

Listen, I saw you here and I had to come over and meet you. Hi, I’m [Your Name]”.

Qualify – Now that you’ve given her a bit of your interest, it’s time to take a step back and make her prove to you that she’s worthy of your continued attention.

You can do this by qualifying her like we discussed earlier.

This will get her to start chasing you, which is a surefire way to turn on a woman.

For example, you could say “tell me something interesting about yourself” or “what’s something you’re passionate about?

Once she answers, you can reward her by letting her know you appreciate her answer, or by relating to the topic with your own experiences.

Then, you can rinse and repeat the qualification process in order to continue finding out if she’s “cool enough” to hang out with you.

Close – Day game approaches offer you the unique opportunity to go on instant dates. This is when you go together from the place you met to a second location such a coffee or ice cream shop. A simple way to transition into an instant date is to say something like, “My favorite ice cream shop is right around the corner, I was about to grab a cone. Come with.

If she’s unable to go on an instant date for whatever reason, you can simply set up a day 2 instead and get her phone number.

How to talk to Girls You Work With

A lot of times I get asked how to talk to girls at work. But in my opinion, the chances of something going wrong with a girl you’re seeing at work are too high, and the risk isn’t worth it. Instead of trying to date your co-workers, I would recommend friend zoning them. You could still grab drinks with them and hang out, but hit on their friends instead of them if anything. Being seen with hot co-workers that you’ve friend-zoned will attract women from outside of the friend group without jeopardizing your work environment.

Now you’re armed with everything you need to know to go out, approach a beautiful woman on the street, build attraction, set up a date with her, and even build a sexual vibe and kiss her! You definitely now have got all you need to know how to talk to girls. The next step is to actually go out and implement these new strategies. If you want the types of results you’re dreaming about, you’ll need to make a firm commitment to yourself to go out and practice these principles, one at a time until the results are yours.

What unanswered questions do you still have about how to talk to girls? How’d you like the article? Comment below and let me know what you think!

Also, if you’re one of the guys who’s going to take action on this information, leave a comment that includes your city, what venue you’re going to meet girls at this week, and an original tease that you’re going to test out!

Matt Artisan
Intl. Dating Coach & Founder @ The Attractive Man LLC
Matt Artisan is considered one of the World’s Top Dating & Attraction Coaches.

For the last 5 years Matt has personally conducted Live Trainings and Workshops in over 36 countries, helping thousands of men all of the world build confidence and succeed with women.

He has been interviewed by ABC and featured on MTV.
1 reply
  1. Gary Price says:

    Wow! I thought you offered up some incredibly great advice. Simple yet effective and easy to memorize. I will looking for future advice on your website.

    Reply

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